sudden tears

At 5am in the morning, while reading up about cell biology...

I suddenly felt like crying.

It's something that happens occasionally, few times, I get this pathetic, lonely feeling about myself and the dam just breaks. I'll let it happen cause it'll actually make me feel better...then I go on to my optimistic self again.

Maybe it's because I can't really verbally express my feelings when I'm sad or in need words of consolation. Sometimes you feel like talking to someone but you hate to admit you're sad cause it makes you sound pathetic or because you feel nobody can really understand you. Or maybe it's me. Why don't people just call to ask how I am?


Sometimes I feel nobody actually thinks I get these sad episodes. I usually talk myself into optimism again but the fact that I talk myself into it sometimes become a reason why I feel like crying. Sometimes, I want to be consoled or given a pep talk or people to just call and ask how I am... even when I'm not particularly sad. I seldom get that.

Why I feel like writing this I don't know....


I think the song 'smile' is a beautiful song and always lumps up my heart in notches, and the lyrics fit what I feel right now.


SMILE
Artist: nat king cole
Words by john turner and geoffrey parsons and music by charlie chaplin





Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile



I never knew before that Charlie Chaplin had a part in producing this song. I knew when I watched Michael Jackson's Memorial broadcast. I always get the feeling that comedians are people who are really sad people inside, maybe not all, but it's true.

The funny thing is, I have conflicting opinions about this song. The song asks, 'what's the use of crying?'. For me, it's necessary. I need to cry so that I can move on. It's also not healthy to not have an outlet right? I think we need to cry once in a while but don't cry forever cause what's the use right? [maybe this is what the writers actually meant, don't cry to no end!]

Yes, life is worthwhile!! Because I was born into this world and for that reason alone life is still worthwhile. The fact I'm writing this last bit means I'm slowly becoming ok again.